Why Last Christmas shows that George Michael is emotionally unstable

  
So this is Christmas…

And, being so, the Christmas songs are everywhere. When else will you find the Pogues being played in Boots or the worst song in the world being put on the radio because it has the word Christmas in the title (I’m looking at you, Paul McCartney. Wonderful Christmastime is an abomination!)?

One song which is omnipresent at this time of year is Last Christmas by Wham! George Michael and some bloke he dragged out of the pub wrote a song which demonstrates the idea of a love betrayed at the festive season.

Or, it shows a disturbed and emotionally stunted mind not learning from its past mistakes. I listened to the lyrics today and it struck me just how much these lyrics show worrying behaviours on behalf of the singer.

Last Christmas

I gave you my heart

How sweet! You loved this person enough to declare your love at Christmas!

But the very next day you gave it away.

I’m sorry? They gave your heart away? How does that work? Have they decreed that you shall love someone else? They have clearly rejected you, but would that not simply involve the heart being returned? Unless, of course, they didn’t have a receipt and were simply regifting it, in which case it is fairly sensible, if horrendously callous.

This year

To save me from tears

I’ll give it to someone special.

Is that a good idea? I mean, you hardly have a great track record in these matters. I assume you also believed the recipient of your heart from last year to be special, otherwise you wouldn’t have given it to them. Can you really be sure this year’s squeeze is truly special, bearing in mind your clear lack of good judgement of character? 

And, how did you get your heart back after last year’s regifting saga? Was it so unlovable that even the second hand recipient wanted rid of it? Did you miraculously grow a new one? We need answers!

Once bitten and twice shy

I keep my distance

But you still catch my eye.

You keep your distance, but only up to a point. You are clearly hugely bitter over last Christmas to accost them. And how come you are in the same place as them this Christmas? That’s horrendously bad planning on your part or crass insensitivity on the part of your friends. Either way, it’s not clever.

Tell me, baby,

Do you recognize me?

Well,

It’s been a year,

It doesn’t surprise me

It’s been a year! Just twelve months! If I bumped into a girl I went out with twenty years ago I’d recognise her. I would be shocked beyond belief if she’d forgotten my face after just a year. Unless this person has one of those conditions where they can’t remember faces, I guess.

I wrapped it up and sent it

With a note saying, “I love you,”

I meant it

Wait! You wrapped it up? Now, I don’t really think you sent your heart, for obvious reasons. Here, though, you show that you have sent an actual physical gift. The suggestion is that you may have sent an actual heart. That’s sick, mate! Sick! I’d have given it away as well, but I wouldn’t have waited until Boxing Day to throw it.

Now I know what a fool I’ve been.

But if you kissed me now

I know you’d fool me again.

Firstly, you’re not learning. This person destroyed you emotionally just a year ago, yet you would take them back with just a kiss! Secondly, you are willing to tell them. 

It’s your funeral.

A crowded room,

Friends with tired eyes.

I’m hiding from you

Sensible. Hide, run, fly away. Quickly!

And your soul of ice.

My god I thought you were someone to rely on.

Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.

Why would someone with a soul of ice need a shoulder to cry on? You’re all confused and need to get away and collect your thoughts.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart.

A man under cover but you tore me apart, ooh-hoo.

Eh? Now you’re just rambling! How much have you had to drink?

Now I’ve found a real love, you’ll never fool me again.

WHAT?! You have found someone else? Just a few lines back you were telling this person that one kiss and your theirs again, but you’ve already moved on to somebody else. Somebody who you are prepared to drop, at Christmas, for this heartless git who dumped you last year. Take a good hard look at yourself, George, and ask yourself who the true villain of this piece is!

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart (I gave you my heart)

A man under cover but you tore him apart

Maybe next year I’ll give it to someone

I’ll give it to someone special.

Again! ‘Next year’ you’ll give it to someone special? What about the poor sap you’ve conned into spending this one with you? Are they not special? Is this ‘real love’ you have found not worthy of your heart? Do you even know what love is, or are you simply an emotionally impotent, selfish idiot, bitterly ranting about somebody who, a year ago, recognised you for the psychotic mess you are and got out while they still could?

Anyway, I quite like the song.

Merry Christmas!

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