The next step of my long journey to training for the Readership comes along on Tuesday as I travel to Edinburgh for a 3 hour psychological assessment.
A 3 hour psychological assessment!
I sometimes worry about whether I’m stable enough to keep writing this blog, so the idea of going through something like that is terrifying! What if they realise that I’m only calm and confident on the outside (sometimes) and that, on the inside, I’m a crumbling wreck who is ready for the knacker’s yard? What if they see me as the fraud I am and kick me out of the office within minutes, deeming me unsuitable to even leave the house again, let alone hold a form of Christian ministry? What if…?
The two most destructive words in the English language, if used like this.
What if it all goes wrong? What if I can’t do it? What if I’m the wrong person? What if nobody agrees?
What if? What if? What if?
But God has a way of turning those destructive words into words of promise, grace and hope.
What if you try?
What if it works?
What if you don’t do it and regret it forever?
What if you are better than you think?
What if you’re stronger than you think?
What if you trust in Me? What if you let Me guide you? What if you let My words and will permeate your mind and soul?
What if? The two most exciting words in the English language if spoken by He through all things are possible?
What if God’s will is for me to preach His word and He has made me into the right person for the job? What if all my doubts, weaknesses and insecurities will actually make me a better preacher and teacher? What if my depression and anxiety are as important to my calling as my way with words and my presentation skills?
There’s only one way to find out.